Things I learned at my
first Pennsic.....
  • Eat it, drink it, burn it, bury it.
  • It’s all Malcolm’s fault. If Malcolm isn’t there its Diego’s fault…. Until Malcolm comes back.
  • Where there is Robert there is rum… and back rubs.
  • If anything is handed to you by Booty, drink it.
  • Drunken Kat + rain = hypothermia
  • Fear for your life when Diego has a lighter in his hand (or anything flammable for that matter)
  • When Nataliia askes you if you want to go for a walk during the woods battle go, she’ll bring
    you to Midrealms rez point.
  • Fighting with foam swords is hazardous to your health.
  • Only one Rowan is allowed to be drunk at a time, otherwise bother are defective.
  • Always remember the name of the person you slept with.
  • Innocence is lost at Sharcpit.
  • Mean and funny is still funny.
  • Don’t taunt the rain gods, kill whoever does.
  • Middies have the attention span of a nat.
  • Never trust a smiling Matteo.
  • It is possible to survive a week without coffee.
  • Woad produces hours of fun, but be careful who’s painting you…. And don’t get any in open
    wounds : )
  • It is possibly for Sharcpit to run out of booze (No really, I was there- scary)
  • Friends give the best presents when they give weapons.
  • You know it’s a good war when there’s an entourage to walk you home.
  • “Pant, pant, giggle, giggle” is more amusing then porn.
  • It is possible to survive a week eating nothing but bread bowls and pierogies.
  • The best way to distract a fencer is to blow bubbles.
  • Trees are your friends in the woods battle.
  • 2 Eastern fencers are a “buttload” of fencers to Middies.
  • You’ve been at war too long when you forget what “clean” smells like.
  • When at Pennsic heckling is expected.
  • Tricking you friends to go to court to get an award is priceless (esp. when you tell them they’
    re heralding).
  • Skivvies + a wool cloak 3 times your size + port-o-castle = much difficulty
  • It`s a good war when you cant distinguish which bruises are bite marks or heavy shots when
    fighting.
  • When drunk the collective anonymous admits to being “Chetted”.
  • If you’re loud enough people think your scary.
  • “Fuck you- no,” is the proper response.
  • Sunburns tell interesting stories.
  • “Whatcha doing?”
               “Nothing”
                “Whatcha doing it with?”
                “A hammer…”
  • When your boytoy is named Ducky, the jokes NEVER end.
  • When Ajax tries to pull Prima Noctra because you desecrated his temple say no.
  • ALWAYS blow out the candles.....
  • Marshmellows can take out a Knight.
  • Middies with big shields are just trying to compensate.
  • We love Mouse, she brings rum.
  • Glittery cleavage gets you noticed.
  • The family needs to be notified when you’re trying to get some, otherwise they get
    overprotective and interfere.
  • Taryn is the supreme pimp.
  • Sometimes tattoos go lower then you expected.
  • Why bother dressing yourself? Have men fluff your cleavage.
  • Minions, must find minions… then I can be head minion.
  • “OOOh shiny!”
  • Tanaka is stealthy like Ninja…. Except when he’s falling on his face.
  • Friends don’t let friends go home with G*****.
  • Only and idiot would pick a fight with Diego, Pascual, and Mercedes…. In one night…. Can
    we say death wish?
  • The impossible is possible when packing (you just wont see out the rear window).
  • “Spot the SCAdian” passes the time.
  • The tormenting never ends in Sharc.
  • Why go to the Known World Rapier Party when there’s Sharcpit?
  • “Balencedly challenged” is a real term according to anyone named Rowan.
  • When you yell out “Holy shit mats! What do we do?!” when there’s mats on the trail drying out
    and you don’t think you can cross them- congrats… your drunk.
  • Next year bring “Kick me,” signs to the woods battle.
  • Middies can’t count worth a goddamn.
  • Life is good when you can kill your friends- repeatedly.
  • Don’t invoke the Caine.
  • You know you’re a fighter what pickles & pretzels sound like a feast.
  • Kill whoever decides to start the battles at “oh my god”:30.
  • Cheap and easy is fun.
  • Careful, Sparky bites.
  • It’s a bad sign when someone askes Mom “is that yours?” (referring to you).
  • Jinglies make everything better.
  • Leather halter top = big trouble : )
  • Whoring nights are essential.
  • The walk of shame is always awkward… especially when done repeatedly in the same camp.
  • Why bother brining a tent if you only spend one night in it?
  • The ex`s come out at Pennsic.
  • Make sure when announcing “He’s so dreamy!” your on the right side.
  • Be frightened when Pascual is wingman.
  • You know you’re a dork when you know the Harry Potter spells…. and how to say them
    correctly.
  • 75 vs 210…. Is almost even odds : /
  • You know its going to be fun when they bring out the duck tape.
  • “Hey little girl want some ice cream?” really does end with ice cream.
  • NEVER let Taryn play with your hair while drunk, you’ll look like you stepped out of a really
    bad 80`s music video.
  • When threatening Caine bring brillo pads.
  • Modern tents suck.
  • Rowen- there can be only one!
  • “RV open 24/7”
  • Never stop the alcohol circle, even if your not drinking.
  • Pennsic lays are always fun, especially when your competing with you neighbors.
  • Skippy, the older brother you never wanted : ) love ya!
  • We love Delaundres, they have Meade on tap!
  • To get into most parties you must humor creepy old men.
  • You know your loved when people keep you from dying, (although they might regret it later).
  • Always steal Ronans chair when he gets up (its always the comfy one!).
  • “Whip or Kiss” is the best bachlor party game.
  • Be careful of Diegos marshals stick (ehem… hammer).
  • During bad weather (lightning storms) send Malcolm out first.
  • Do not distract Cathy while driving…
  • Flying monkey volley!!!!
  • “I really wanted to sleep with _____`s friend- but I would feel bad…. For a little bit”
  • Love the Bear
  • Be careful on the Pleasure deck of the Ravenspittle
  • Next year bring this list to Pennsic.
by Rowan Durning